Saturday, January 29, 2005

David Lehman - When A Woman Loves A Man

David Lehman - When A Woman Loves A Man

Rants on toilet messaging boards.

Ever tried to manufacture your own personal crap in male public toilets and chanced upon messages behind the cubicle door in the process?

Now there are many types of messages that I can make sarcastic comments, but I guess I will be specific this time round. I'll go for the phone-numbers-for-sex kind.

They come in the form of:
For good time, call Judy: 6534-2252; or
For good time, call Andy: 9224-3626.

sometimes they come generously splashed with obscene suggestions in forms of stick figures and/or poorly drawn organs too.

Hmmm.... let's analyse this.
Now how did Judy get in here to post this message?
Andy, yes. But Judy?
Oh, she was desperate enough to sneak into the guy's toilet, you say? And perhaps chanced upon a dashing hunk and had some fun time with him? And what are the odds of that? And I'm only talking about the former question. Not possible? No?

Now the reality would be closer to:
a) Judy's boyfriend got ditched and got interested in practising his advertising skills inbetween thinking of her and pooing.
b) Judy's pimp is desperate for business. Really desperate. Probably she's ugly. Really ugly.
c) Judy's a really desperate horny fat gal (not even a pimp will take), looking for a prey to savour. She's NOT recommended within a ten-feet range.
d) She's a really pretty and voluptous nymphomaniac looking for a good time, and you so happen to be in the right place and the right time to respond to such a profitable calling, and you are Ronald Reagan manufacturing poo in the Taj Mahal toilet.

Chances are that you'll waste your time, money, and effort making useless phonecalls, falling for the tricks of phone companies desperate for some earnings now that their 3G network is severely underscribed. Now are you sure you want a part of this? Let em crash and burn, I say.

Ok let's start on Andy now.
Do we need to?
I'm not really into queers, and if you are not, then there's no reasons for response. So there.
Of course, if you do, then you are in luck. This may very well be a real advert. Or not. What if it's a straight guy framed by someone who hates him? Oh well. No harm trying, at most a denial-of-service for Andy's phone network. And you get to listen to a guy's voice. Might be sexy.

So the conclusion is that it may really be profitable if you are a queer looking for some fun; but if you are straight, finish your poo, flush the toilet, and go oggle at some girls outside instead. There's infinitely better chance in this (1% compared to 0%) for a relationship than making any calls that doesn't start with 1900.

Red moons.

Something freaky is happening to Singapore these few nights. We are having red moons. Perfect, round, mooncake-shaped red moons. And they almost look delicious.

It looks akin to what is mentioned in Revelations, but let's not put our fingers too deep into the pie, lest we find the monkey's brain.

My associations are towards high tides and minor repetitions of the recent tsunami. It's all rather negative, though I'm also tempted to bring my camera out for some nice shots.

Friday, January 28, 2005

I have a bunch of klutz for lecturers.

Hullo... it's Friday night and next week's notes and tutorials are not out yet? What do they think computing students do over the weekend? Party?

Alone in s15 in the middle of the night and no homework to do! SSssh. The agony.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

If it bothers you...

Then I'm telling you here that I have a soft spot for those chinese sad romantic songs, and it's not just a recent fad in me. I simply like the emotions they convey.

There's no need to send me SMSess telling me to brace up or anything, really (thanks, yy). Feeling wussified sometimes does not handicap me, but rather gives me strength to carry on. Remember that I am a person driven by anything negative (including stress/desperation/loneliness/fear/++++). I am not normal.

Don't read too much into them.








Tuesday, January 25, 2005

It is there somewhere beyond the clouds...

What are the chances of going overseas to fall helplessly in love with Krispie Kremes and take a movie (and some pics) of it, and to come back to Singapore to find that you have to do a marketing presentation of it for your Global Marketing class?

What are the odds?

Surely this must mean something.

I love Krispie Kremes.

Don't worry, Jelly Bellies, I love you too.


I think I feel wussified today. This is not good.

Frank: Wake up and smell the pang sai on the other side of the road and be glad that you are not there!


掏开我的心 藏有太多伤痕

每一刀伤痕 总让我隐隐作痛

回首往事 总是如此的伤神

守候的人 有谁会像我一样认真?


你说如果有人 要我不必再等

心灰意冷 早已不闻不问

愿意用尽一生 也无法拟补伤痕

谁要谁不必再等 别让费这一生


长年累月的等 而思念却越陷越深

这次心头又狠狠地再划上一痕 隐隐作痛

I think of funny things sometimes.

I think of homework which complete themselves.
I think of water bottles which generate water from condensation or nothing at all.
I think of you.
I think of laptops which run on erasers.
I think of aircons which ask you if it's comfortable around here.
I think of cows which walk up to you and ask you which prime cut you want.
I think of birds which politely ask if they might have the pleasure of shitting on you.
I think of waterfalls which flow like air.
I think of ant trails which operate on a day-to-day schedule.
I think of you again.
I think of sandals which will never never smell of decay and whatever else my stinky Tevas reminds me of.
I think of miracle creams which can eliminate pimples forever.
I think of babies who will not scream/wail/roar/irritate, but ask you for help in a very civilized manner.
I think of tap-cards for security doors in SoC.
I think of canteens which will never close shop.
I think of tables which will never accumulate dust.
I think of lovers who will never change their mind about each other.
I think of jeans which never need washing.
I think of mums who will never nag or say 'See lah, I told you so!'
I think of TVs which will never show crappy programmes unless you want them to.
I think of network printers which will never waste your quota by printing out balance sheets for your print quota.
I think of people who will never creep behind you and see what you are typing while sitting in S15 Level 3.
I think of buses which do automatic queuing for people getting off the bus
i think of buses which have more than 2 doors.
I think of lovers who will never lie to each other.
I think of when I can own my mama shop.
I think of when the world will end.
I think of when I should stop thinking about homework which will complete themselves, and when I should start touching them. The horrors.

Memory Exercise

1-9 - Day Noah Ma Ra Law Jaw Key Fee Bay
10-19 Daze Dad Dan Dam Deer Dale Dash Deck Daffy Dab
20-29 NASA Net Nan Name Nero Nail Niche Neck Navy Nap
30-39 Mace Mat Man Ma'am Mare Mail Mash Mac Mafia Map
40-49 Race Rat Rain Ram Rear Rail Rash Rack Rafia Rap
50-59 Lace Lad Lane Lame Lair Lilly Lash Lake Lava Lab
60-69 Chase Chap Chain Chime Chore Chill Cha-cha Check Chef Jab(?)
70-79 Case Cad Cane Cameo Choir Kill Cache Cake Cave Cab
80-89 Face Fad Fan Fame ? Foil Fish Fake FIFA Fab
90-99 Base Bed Bun Beam Beer Bail Bash Bake Beef Babe

A terribly disturbing marketing class.

Where stands us males?

Today's Global Marketing class was depressing. A section concerning symbols/words of sacred meanings in different cultures led to a uncomforting fact that 'Mother' is a sacred word, and 'Father' doesn't really stand anywhere near the top 10 list.

'Father is simply.... well.... you know.... someone that you have to have for his sperms.' Bouts of laughters and grins among the girls.

'And of course, his credit card.' She continued, describing in good humour how women always always have a secret stash of money 'for the rainy days', and always always should try to be the Minister of Finance, approving on any desirable purchases (from his card) that can be justified as 'anniversary gifts', to which any doubts the husband puts forward can be simply put away to rest by putting on a frown (or any upset face) and whining 'you don't remember...' And funnily, his credit card is justifiably used for gifts both to the husband and to the wife.

I try to repudiate the first claim that a father is simply a production plant for an essential component of Life (?), but then I start to wonder why the father really bother to do what he does nowadays.

What does the father really get out of a family anyway? What is the role of the modern man? What portion does the modern female, and the society at large, appropriate to him, and expects of him in return?

I am no longer sure that females are the weaker species in the modern society, but am gradually thinking that we guys are slowly (but surely) being inched off the table, where the family is concerned.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Hugs and snuggles,



ruffle ruffle;
shuffle shuffle.


Ruffle ruffle;
Shuffle Shuffle.

Ruffle ruffle ruffle?


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The incessant aftermath of Tsunami

I have found an effective solution to the repercussive aftermath of the tsunami, and I dare say it's the perfect solution to the problem.


I am talking about the sporadic roadside flag donations towards building up after the tsunami which has mushroomed everywhere. The only effective way to prevent yourself from getting clawed at again and again and again is to wear earphones and pretend that you are absolutely oblivious to the surroundings.

Somehow earphones have the miraculous effects of warding off unwanted flaggers/salesmen/wanting-to-ask-question-aunties. It is an automatic understanding (to them) that you are totally incapable of actions that even babies are able at, and I am nonchalent about being held at that comparison, for I know my worth. And anything's worth it to get away from the unnecessary attention.

So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and all those in between, to avoid the hassle of ever so often ducking and hiding and performing matrix stunts to get away from the patrollers of the streets, just don your earphones, never mind if they are connected to absolutely nothing or an mp3 player with a dead battery.

Or you can simply donate and get a flag.

And so we know where we stand...

I feel ambivalence and liberation, in the truest sense of both words, when I received your letter, and I do swear I penned my thoughts to you BEFORE I read your email, so it's not a to-save-face thing.

We will be friends. =)




缘起缘灭事事如戏, 世事无常犹如棋局。





起伏如机遇 已如潮去。




相守在身旁的人 但愿是你。

看春花秋月 夏日雨,

谈风花雪月 有我有你


Sunday, January 16, 2005

Changes are inevitable.

After a great loss, there's always a time for introspection and retrospection and whatever spection.

People need to change for the better.

I need to change too.

For the better.

Anyone interested to jolt a bit of life into Frank, please contact him personally. He's open for ideas.


Running taps. Keys in lock. Lights left on. Wallet left on the table. Water bottle unfilled. Mp3 player unbrought. My mind is so lost in you without you. I am absent within, and there's no way to get myself back in shape, save Time's miraculous works.

I see apparations of you in the reflections of bus windows, and turn around to see someone else; the bus sceneries comes colourless, soundless, devoid of soul and passion; curvacious babes that once seemed so appealing appear formless, for they are not you. I am going down.

I move around irritated all day, waiting for someone (anyone) to step on my tail that I can have an excuse to bit his head off. And I will. Shun me, for I am in my most irritable form now. You will not like me. Yet I am helpless like an limbless lion, harmless like a sedated rabied puppy.

Perhaps I did not know the consequences of our decision, perhaps I was overly positive. But now that the thought that I am (really) losing you is sinking in, I am not taking it easy. It never comes easy to me. I am not one such person. I am only an idiot that is so in love with you.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Rants and raves

The steamboat (and dai dee) session yesterday was enjoyable. Funnily, it seems to most of us that our holidays (since last year April) has not come to an end yet. Next week's a long weekend, thanks to the malay community, and what will we be doing? I'm not sure, but it should be something interesting. If not, I'll be going on a hike to think things out. Some stuff have not really sunk into my dense brain, and this might be a good time to think things through.

The musical performance @ the esplanade was much enjoyable. Suteki da ne is (and will be) one of my favourite anime songs, and to hear it on the ivories brings up memories. Isn't it wonderful? Nerissa has blossomed into a beautiful rose, and I'm sure she'll do well in the future to come. I'm happy for her.

Lijiang sounds terrific for the coming semester break, but I would really hope this trip to include Hong Kong(priority), Shenzhen, and as many places possible within the span of 2 weeks (or more?). If this works out, I'll be 1K+ poorer, but I'll survive. ICs, please do some planning and budgeting.

I'm still surviving from the onslaught within, at least that's what I think I am doing. I don't show anything much, to the astonishment of many. Maybe I'm ignoring the matter. But I can feel evil Knarf coming up within. I just hope I can kill him before he starts doing funny things to me again. Let's hope this clears up by the end of the semester, for this can really impede my growth into the really wonderful superman that I can be. Fuck it, I say. But I can't. Life sucks, and only Time can stop this sucker, if she is as willing as Barkis is.

There is only so much a man can take. Please don't let me lose hope in the species from Venus because of this.

Ignore this thread if you can't make sense of it. Or better still, laugh it off like I usually do when someone tells a joke that seems more like a mathematical lemma, and label that someone as weird.

Monday, January 10, 2005

The magic gloves of Genki Sushi, Meridien

Genki Sushi @ Meridien apparently has come into possession of polyuterene gloves that are infused with a portion of magic (or something of that nature.)

Not only does it allow the chef to prepare food (notwithstanding the taste) with it, it also allows the chef to do wonderful stunts with it!

He can touch tables with it, he can swing under a table panel with it, he can support himself with his hands ON THE FLOOR whilst under the table with it, and he can continue making his sushi with it after all those acrobatic stunts! If there is anything more spectacular and amazing than that, it would be in Thailand, where hawkers align themselves with the flying insects that have no shame in helping themselves with their allies' food inventory.

This will be one food outlet that I will not be visiting for perhaps the next millenium or more, and I suggest you think twice about it too.

Running shoes are never meant for jogging.

Running shoes are never meant for jogging, this I found out through painful experience last saturday whilst wearing me quite-new running shoes (the ones that make you tip forward, and has several pieces of soles at strategic points to minimize weight).

After one round around Choa Chu Kang with them, muscles on my legs which were normally not utilized to such great extent in jogging swore to abandon me if I ever tried funny stuff with them. On top of that, one piece of my sole was found missing. My running shoes never did promise to be with me for long (that's the nature of running shoes), but I had thought optimistic of our relationship. I thought we could make a great pair.

Went on another 4km backtrack, to no advantage of finding it. Miserable bloke I was, at 3am in the morning, walking about desolately looking like a madman looking for a portion of his soul that was never to be found.

I dedicate this non-rhythmic poem to my departed sole:

When I laid my eyes upon you,
I thought you were the one.
You shimmered on the display rack,
and I told us that we can try to work it out.
You were fast, and you could make me faster,
I see no two-ways about it, for we were meant to be.

The runs were good while we were good,
and we almost made a gold for IPPT (well, not exactly)
we had fun, we could run,
you were all that I need in the sun,
we then tried jogging,
but you were only compliant then.

But oh shoes! You and I both knew that we were never meant to be,
for I jog but you run,
you run, but I jog.
Our speeds were complementary, but we still had a good try.

You think me too slow for you,
I thought you too swift for me,
and it would not be any other day,
that you left me for nothing else.

I searched for you, I yearned for you,
please come back to me,
I will be true, I promise.
I will run faster than Icarus can burn in the sun,
or I will die trying to do that.

But we were never meant to be,
you have left me for good.
What of me then? What of me?
Oh well, time to get another pair of jogging shoes.

For those who wants an excuse to not do work...

You can blame it on me for diverting you from all your important agendas.

Here are some links that I owe you guys...

Krispie Kremes' Production process
My UBC Expenses, Final Copy
04-12-24 San Francisco

04-12-15 Chicago

04-12-15 Chicago buses (Yusry take note!)

Thursday, January 06, 2005


I revise my last statement::
If you are moody and don't have a car, you might do well to play minesweeper like me.


If you are moody and don't have a car, you might do well to blindly surf the internet like me.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Bro saved my MP3 player~~!

To those who knows I have a faulty mp3 player that was playing music out of one earpiece if the headphone connection was oriented improperly, I have good news (or bad news, if you hate me)!

My trusty bro whipped out (ok, not exactly ‘whipped’…) his soldering iron and soldered back the loose connection, and voila~~! Reuben (American idol) is crooning his ‘Flying without wings’ to BOTH my ears! Woohoo!

Outings and going-ons the last few days

31st Dec:: Went for New Year party at Zikai’s house and had a tough time cutting down the turkey to size for steamboat. Played Asshole daidee with (Lynn & BF), Wendy, Suying, Zhenxian, and Darius till dawn and then went for Prata at Thomson Road.

2nd Jan:: Went for New Year party at Kelly’s House, meeting up with Kelly, Cheewee, Joey, Ginn, Zhenlin, Mervin, Han Yang, and Sherlin. Ate potluck and played Guestures.

3rd Jan:: Met up with Jonathan for dinner in NUS. He’s a real cool dude (Hall King in NTU!) and he’s in sight of a relationship with a girl who would tolerate his nonsense. Way to go, buddy…

4th Jan ::Met up with Zikai and gang for Ma La Hot Pot @ Bugis, and have been having diarrhoea ever since. =(

Fixed my Sicko Kinetic @ 35 dollars @ Bencoolen.

Watched the Anime version of Return of the Condor Heroes, and was totally disgusted that it ended with a different ending at a much earlier stage in the real story (Can you believe it? It ended with an inconclusive ending, at the point when they stepped out of Heartless valley!!! Cheat my money, I tell you..)