Saturday, January 29, 2005

Rants on toilet messaging boards.

Ever tried to manufacture your own personal crap in male public toilets and chanced upon messages behind the cubicle door in the process?

Now there are many types of messages that I can make sarcastic comments, but I guess I will be specific this time round. I'll go for the phone-numbers-for-sex kind.

They come in the form of:
For good time, call Judy: 6534-2252; or
For good time, call Andy: 9224-3626.

sometimes they come generously splashed with obscene suggestions in forms of stick figures and/or poorly drawn organs too.

Hmmm.... let's analyse this.
Now how did Judy get in here to post this message?
Andy, yes. But Judy?
Oh, she was desperate enough to sneak into the guy's toilet, you say? And perhaps chanced upon a dashing hunk and had some fun time with him? And what are the odds of that? And I'm only talking about the former question. Not possible? No?

Now the reality would be closer to:
a) Judy's boyfriend got ditched and got interested in practising his advertising skills inbetween thinking of her and pooing.
b) Judy's pimp is desperate for business. Really desperate. Probably she's ugly. Really ugly.
c) Judy's a really desperate horny fat gal (not even a pimp will take), looking for a prey to savour. She's NOT recommended within a ten-feet range.
d) She's a really pretty and voluptous nymphomaniac looking for a good time, and you so happen to be in the right place and the right time to respond to such a profitable calling, and you are Ronald Reagan manufacturing poo in the Taj Mahal toilet.

Chances are that you'll waste your time, money, and effort making useless phonecalls, falling for the tricks of phone companies desperate for some earnings now that their 3G network is severely underscribed. Now are you sure you want a part of this? Let em crash and burn, I say.

Ok let's start on Andy now.
Do we need to?
I'm not really into queers, and if you are not, then there's no reasons for response. So there.
Of course, if you do, then you are in luck. This may very well be a real advert. Or not. What if it's a straight guy framed by someone who hates him? Oh well. No harm trying, at most a denial-of-service for Andy's phone network. And you get to listen to a guy's voice. Might be sexy.

So the conclusion is that it may really be profitable if you are a queer looking for some fun; but if you are straight, finish your poo, flush the toilet, and go oggle at some girls outside instead. There's infinitely better chance in this (1% compared to 0%) for a relationship than making any calls that doesn't start with 1900.

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